affair_prevention_2.pdf |
The information you are about to read is gathered, credited to, and based on the attached document
Harold B. Lee: “No one ever committed adultery without a preceding immoral thought”. Affairs don’t just “happen”, They begin in the mind and heart.
First of all, it is important to understand what an affair is. Believe it or not, affairs can be committed without realization. Below is short explanation of each type.
The Four Types of Affairs:
Fantasy (emotional/detached): An emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who remains anonymous and would likely never be met. “When we let our thoughts unfaithfully imagine what life would be like with another person, infidelity has been commuted.” –online e-mails, chatrooms, fictional characters, and social networking.
Visual Affair/Pornography (physical/detached): This is probably the most common. The viewer generally acts out from findings within the internet, a magazine, move, book, or anywhere immodesty is revealed. This is where desires are pointed in other places than your spouse.
Romantic (emotional/attached): a “second life”. “Research by Duncombe and Mardsen suggested that those who enter into an affair to escape everyday life will be disappointed overtime since everyday life has a way of catching up with us. Initially the affair is spontaneous, romantic, and thrilling. Overtime, the exciting lover ceases to be a stranger and routine becomes the enemy of spontaneity” (the attached article).
Sexual (physical/attached): Sexual acts outside marriage. Visual affairs often lead to physical affairs.
Consequences
1.Divorce
2. Spouse feels nauseated, repulsed, depressed, undesirable, insecure, helpless, abandoned, anxious, suicidal
3. (Pornography) Objectification. Women are dehumanized, sexualized, and exploited. “Objects do not speak up, challenge us, or walk away. In turn, we begin to lose the ability to notice and respect the needs and feelings of real people in our lives” (the attached article). Woman are presented as perfect and compliant—real woman become less appealing. Men have unrealistic expectations.
4. (Sexual and Pornography) Desensitization.
5. Instant Gratification
Why?
In the article is states that a troubled marriage neither causes nor justifies infidelity. The only cause is who we are and how we act. Therefore, a troubled marriage is not an excuse. People have troubled marriages and do not turn to infidelity all time. So preventing affairs depends on the control of the mind and heart.
The attached document lays out a step by step plan to overcoming affairs. I think it would be wise to share it with you
(Keep in mind that most marriages with the event of an affair decide to stay together, and a lot of those marriages end up stronger after overcoming the seemingly impossible challenge.)
Step 1: Rebuild Trust
a. Become accountable
b. Establish boundaries
c. Understand that rebuilding trust takes more time and effort than any other step.
Step 2: Gain a Better Perspective
a. How did the affair happen? (remember reasons don’t constitute excuses)
b. One person is not responsible for another’s violations
c. Refrain from making “Big Decisions” as a couple at this point
Step 3: Repentance and Forgiveness
a. Confession
b. Forsaking sin
c. Know that forgiveness is what overall heals a hurt spouse
Step 4: Overcome Addiction
a. Change of heart (mowing the grass doesn’t kill the lawn)
Step 5: Making the choice to stay together
a. Healing the past
b. Strengthening the present (Not trying to get back to where you were, instead strengthening where you are)
c. Enriching the future
Harold B. Lee: “No one ever committed adultery without a preceding immoral thought”. Affairs don’t just “happen”, They begin in the mind and heart.
First of all, it is important to understand what an affair is. Believe it or not, affairs can be committed without realization. Below is short explanation of each type.
The Four Types of Affairs:
Fantasy (emotional/detached): An emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who remains anonymous and would likely never be met. “When we let our thoughts unfaithfully imagine what life would be like with another person, infidelity has been commuted.” –online e-mails, chatrooms, fictional characters, and social networking.
Visual Affair/Pornography (physical/detached): This is probably the most common. The viewer generally acts out from findings within the internet, a magazine, move, book, or anywhere immodesty is revealed. This is where desires are pointed in other places than your spouse.
Romantic (emotional/attached): a “second life”. “Research by Duncombe and Mardsen suggested that those who enter into an affair to escape everyday life will be disappointed overtime since everyday life has a way of catching up with us. Initially the affair is spontaneous, romantic, and thrilling. Overtime, the exciting lover ceases to be a stranger and routine becomes the enemy of spontaneity” (the attached article).
Sexual (physical/attached): Sexual acts outside marriage. Visual affairs often lead to physical affairs.
Consequences
1.Divorce
2. Spouse feels nauseated, repulsed, depressed, undesirable, insecure, helpless, abandoned, anxious, suicidal
3. (Pornography) Objectification. Women are dehumanized, sexualized, and exploited. “Objects do not speak up, challenge us, or walk away. In turn, we begin to lose the ability to notice and respect the needs and feelings of real people in our lives” (the attached article). Woman are presented as perfect and compliant—real woman become less appealing. Men have unrealistic expectations.
4. (Sexual and Pornography) Desensitization.
5. Instant Gratification
Why?
In the article is states that a troubled marriage neither causes nor justifies infidelity. The only cause is who we are and how we act. Therefore, a troubled marriage is not an excuse. People have troubled marriages and do not turn to infidelity all time. So preventing affairs depends on the control of the mind and heart.
The attached document lays out a step by step plan to overcoming affairs. I think it would be wise to share it with you
(Keep in mind that most marriages with the event of an affair decide to stay together, and a lot of those marriages end up stronger after overcoming the seemingly impossible challenge.)
Step 1: Rebuild Trust
a. Become accountable
b. Establish boundaries
c. Understand that rebuilding trust takes more time and effort than any other step.
Step 2: Gain a Better Perspective
a. How did the affair happen? (remember reasons don’t constitute excuses)
b. One person is not responsible for another’s violations
c. Refrain from making “Big Decisions” as a couple at this point
Step 3: Repentance and Forgiveness
a. Confession
b. Forsaking sin
c. Know that forgiveness is what overall heals a hurt spouse
Step 4: Overcome Addiction
a. Change of heart (mowing the grass doesn’t kill the lawn)
Step 5: Making the choice to stay together
a. Healing the past
b. Strengthening the present (Not trying to get back to where you were, instead strengthening where you are)
c. Enriching the future